Well, I'm officially in Costa Rica, praise Him! It was a journey that included a broken plane, wicked turbulence, and getting stopped by immigration, but I made it!
And in spirit of new beginnings, I've started a new blog. This one will still be here, but all of my life updates are going to be on this new high-tech, super-confusing-for-me-to-get-started blog.
So yeah, sorry if you have one of prayer cards with this old blog, but now you can just link to my new blog through this one! So get excited, I think this Costa Rica life is going to be pretty hilarious.
I have no fluid thoughts to share with you, I'm just bored so I think I'll ramble...
I just spent this last week in Ohio. Tricia got married.
Hands down (and I'm not just saying it because I feel like I have to) it was easily one of the best weddings I've ever been to. There wasn't anything special that stood out, well we did do the flashmob again but, there was no tangible reason why this wedding was the bees knees if you will. The difference, I think, was that this may have been the first wedding I've ever been to that the focus wasn't on the bride and groom, it was on God; I mean, of course it was on them, but it was mostly about glorifying Him. And even though an hour into the wedding, standing up there in 4 inch high heels, when the pastor said "now I want to share the Gospel with you", all I wanted to do was take off my giant gold shoe and stab someone with it, it was cool to see it be to His glory.
The fact that it was the best may also have something to do with the fact that the Q squad was almost entirely present, there were a few key players that I missed seeing there, but for the most part we were reunited. It was so good for my heart to be able to see them and spend some decent time with them. Even though four months has passed since we left each other in the NYC airport, being with them again felt like no time had passed at all. There was no awkward small talk, we just were together again, nothing had changed, it was amazing.
On the last night in Cincinnati, a bunch of the squad went out to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie. Well, that movie is just so fast-paced and confusing that I finally stopped watching the movie about half way through and just sat there deer-in-the-headlights staring and thinking about the whole last week. Seeing everyone again, running around doing wedding stuff, getting to see Tricia and Albin get married, in all that it finally hit that this was going to be the last time I was going to see some of my best friends for a long time. See, when the Race ended, yes it was hard to say goodbye, but we all knew that we would be seeing each other in a few months at this wedding, but now the wedding was over. And after we've all spent the last few months at home resting and trying to figure out what's next in our lives, everyone is starting to spread out all over the world. So even though the Race ended four months ago, it felt like this was really the end. It was such a bittersweet week.
Naturally at a wedding you tend to make a lot of small talk. And it's no surprise that my Costa Rica plans came up in conversation. It was a surprise however, when the person I was talking to turned to me and said, "You're so brave." Well, let me illustrate to you just how brave I feel right now: today as I was filling out the last forms and getting the last few things ready for the move south, for the first time, the reality of moving overseas alone hit me... and then I threw up. It might also have had something to do with the fact that I've been binge eating Christmas cookies to make up for last year, but out of nowhere, reality kicked me in the gut. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond excited; my poor body, I swear, sometimes I get so excited about moving that I get heart palpations, but brave is not a word I would use. It's that phrase again, "Joy and fear ripping through my heart (and gut) all at once."
And then there's Christmas. Christmas is weird for me this year. I.love.Christmas. Maybe slightly obsessed, I'm not sure. But there is something about Christmas this year that is just not as fulfilling as it has always been. I'm still watching all the TV specials, listening to Bing Crosby, and driving around looking at the lit-up houses, but the fulfillment I used to get from all of it just isn't there anymore. I'm not trying to be a Scrooge, I'm really not, I still love Christmas. I love being with family again and seeing my mom wear a different Christmas sweater everyday. I love that my dad forces us to watch all of those cheesy old animated films as a family and I LOVE that my brother is home from college. But this year it feels like something is just off, that televised yulelog just isn't cutting it for me. I think the World Race has ruined Christmas for me.
So really, if you haven't caught on yet, the overarching theme of this blog is that I'm an emotional mess, not necessarily in a bad way, but definitely a big ball of crazy.
So as I sit here listening to Jack Johnson's "In the morning" on repeat with a Planet Earth documentary silently on TV in front of me, I'm listening to the words in his song, "these moments are the only gifts we need," and reminiscing about my life, really just all of it in general. It's profound really, to think that every decision we've ever made has led us to be right where we are. I know that sounds simple, and I probably sound stoned, but I've been thinking about all of the other things I could be doing right now and I praise God for all that He has brought me through to bring me to this emotionally messy, very scary moment of officially closing one chapter of my life and embarking on another.
Now, I know what you're thinking, you're probably questioning why I've suddenly decided not to use song lyrics as my blog title for the first time all year. Let me tell you, it was hard not to. There were so many good song lyrics that could have easily worked for this blog, in fact, it took everything I had in me not to title this blog "Livin' La Vida Loca". But this is just too exciting not to just put it all out there, so,
I'M GOING TO COSTA RICA!!
That's right my friends, God has opened doors like crazy and phase 1 of my Costa Rican coffee shop is complete!
Here's the condensed version of how exactly this all happened:
-pre-World Race, I never had any desire to ever to go to Central or South America, I had opportunities to go and flat out just didn't care. Also, I hated high school Spanish and Mexican food. Really just one big equation for someone who was never going south of the border.
-on the Race, as you know if you've been following this blog, God changed my heart like crazy. I was by far the biggest hater, of all things really, and God broke me and He broke my heart, and I learned how to love and be loved.
-in Kenya (January '11), after deciding that going back to working with animals wasn't going to do it for me, God told me I should probably start preparing myself for Central America. "Ah great."
-very long story short: over the next few months, God made my heart beat for people and, for some bizarre unknown reason, for Central America. As the months went on, He was constantly crossing my path with people who had contacts in Costa Rica, no other countries, just Costa Rica, that they could hook me up with, seriously like every other day for two months. Maybe I was reading into things, myabe I wasn't, either way I took that as a push in the right direction and started networking.
-two months before the end of the Race, I googled ministries in Costa Rica andChristian Surfers Costa Rica was the first thing that came up. I emailed them on a whim just saying that I'm pretty incapable on any kind of board but I like people and asked if they needed any help.
-no reply for two months. Then I came home and still no reply.
-about a week after being home, I found myself writhing on my bedroom floor asking God what the heck I'm supposed to do with my life now. That night I checked my email and Christian Surfers emailed me back. April, the missions coordinator, told me that my email had mistakenly gone to her spam and she had just found it and had an opportunity for me if I was still interested. PRAISE THE LORD!
So that's the backstory and now I'm Costa Rica bound. I'm going down to Jaco in mid-January to work with Christian Surfers Costa Rica. Christian Surfers' goal is to reach out to the surf community with the Gospel and connect them to local churches. Jaco is a big tourist town and with tourists come drugs, prostitution, etc, so Christian Surfers provides a good, fun community to get away from all of that. They do this with youth groups, discipleship programs, and surf and skate contests. It'll kind of be World Race style in that I'll be doing just about anything. I'll be working with the missions coordinator, doing a lot of relational outreach, hanging out with youth, maybe bar ministry, cutting the grass, who knows, I'll be doing it all! I have initially committed to 9 months but my hope, whether with Christian Surfers or not, is to make it a much longer stay; I'm over all this traveling and I'm ready to settle down, maybe even have a dresser.
I do have to raise support again and to be able to do this I have to raise $9,000 ($1000/month) before January 18th. As you can imagine, I'm kind of writhing about the fact that I only have a month to support raise, but I'm trusting Him and asking you to prayerfully consider partnering with me.
There are two ways you can do this:
1) Make checks payable to "World Outreach Ministries", in the memo line write "Sarah Olmstead #139", and send them to:
World Outreach Ministries
P.O. Box B
Marietta, GA 30061
2) Donate online by going to www.worldoutreach.org, go to the "Donate" tab, and select my name from the list.
(at the CSCR ministry-owned skate park)
I feel like this blog was all business and no heart, so here's my heart:
I know this is what God has for me. It seems crazy, sometimes I feel crazy, going to a place I've never been with people I've never met, where they speak a language I only barely know, but then again, that was my entire last year and it turned out alright. I don't know where I heard this phrase but it sums it up perfectly, "I feel joy and terror, all at once, ripping through my heart." I can't say it enough, and there's no way to fully explain it, but God changed my heart, all I want to do is hang out with people, and love people, and see them walk in freedom and experience God on a real, life-altering, perspective-changing, tangible level. And He's given me this awesome opportunity to do it!
Thank you all for your love, prayers, and support! I am incredibly blessed by you!
PS. Because I know you're wondering, I have taken up learning Spanish and I'm loving it and while on the Race, I grew to love Mexican food, granted I will still choose a cheesebuger over a burrito anyday, but a burrito comes in close second.
I am a linear thinker. I love science and math, I love making lists, I love to study, I hate to be wrong, I hate even more admitting when I'm wrong, and my biggest fear in life is losing what I know, or, forgetting.
Being state-side I feel like I have this spiritual amnesia, like I've forgotten everything I learned on the race. But being in Atlanta has been a time to remember. It started with baby steps at training camp with little, "Oh yeahs..." and "How could I have forgotten about that..." and now I feel like Neo from the Matrix, getting flooded with downloaded information or John Nash, frantically writing everything that's in my head just to get it on paper so I can make room in my mind for the next thing. But the killer thing is that it's nothing new, it's all stuff I've learned throughout this past year and I just forgot it.
Here's my latest "aha":
Is it ok to demand things from God?
I say yes.
Genesis 32: 24-26 24 "So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, 'Let me go, for it is daybreak.' But Jacob replied, 'I will not let you go unless you bless me.'"
Jacob wrestled with God and demanded, he didn't ask, that He bless him. Why can't we? That sounds so simple and maybe naive, I'm not sure, but really think about it and put yourself in Jacob's shoes. He wrestled, fought this man (God) for hours on end, till daybreak, he even had his hip dislocated, but he didn't stop fighting for what he wanted. Can you imagine what would happen if we prayed like that all the time, with that kind of faith?
27 The man asked him, "What is your name?" "Jacob," he answered. 28 Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,[a] because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome." 29 Jacob said, "Please tell me your name." But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there. (Genesis 32: 27-29)
Jacob got what he demanded from the Lord, because he had faith and perseverance.
"But even if you don't"
That's where the issue is. What happens if we make these demands in faith and nothing comes from them? Maybe that's why we have a tendency to be more passive; less risk, less of a let down. If we make demands, crying out to God in faith believing it will happen, and then it doesn't, we feel let down. But, does our faith lie in God or the outcome of our prayers? God is good. He only has good for us. Why is it so hard for us to believe that sometimes?
But my question of the day has nothing to do with prayer or perseverance. My question in all this (because I forgot how much I love asking questions) is, how do you keep from forgetting?
I'm not really sure what happened, it all happened so fast, but somehow I ended up back in backwoods White, GA at a World Race training camp this past week. That's right, the same place where I had my first encounter with the World Race culture in July of 2010. Hello flashbacks. I would be lying if I said that I didn't get anxiety sweat stains just from rolling up that gravel driveway again.
My first time at training camp I was totally the kid who stood in the back with my arms crossed telling myself how stupid it all was... sweet caroline, how I've changed.
As a testiment to just how much I've changed, I will play the confession game:
1) I have become a huge Jonathon David Helser fan.
2) I cried every day for the first four days of camp.
We'll come back to that in a second.
This past week was training camp for the squads that will be launching in January 2012. World Race squads are identified by a single letter of the alphabet and they have now officially gone through the alphabet once and are on a second round, or rather, a second generation of World Racers.
This next generation of World Racers is going to go further, do more, and experience greater things than any of us ever did.
I've heard that last statement said before, but after being with three of these second generation squads, I believe it. And that's why I cried everyday for four days. I watched these racers get rocked, their chains broken, and their walks into freedom and I was overwhelmed with pride and excitement for them. It sounds silly, that's fine, but I think it's because it's more profound than that.
These aren't just a new generation of racers, they are an accurate representation of my generation as a whole, and it looks good.
Our generation, in it's entirety, is making a move. Our generation is refusing to settle. We want more. We were made for more and we know it. We are the Joshua generation, the generation that is stepping into leadership and leading the people to our inheritance, to the promised land. And it's evident.
I think Leah Malone, one of the new racers at training camp this week, said it best in her blog:
Training Camp takes place
in the woods of middle-of-nowhere Georgia
where you're kindly fed fish head soup, ugali,
and a grilled tomato banana and cheese sandwich.
Where you sleep in tents,
then on a school bus,
then under a tarp.
And you go to bed after midnight
only to wake up a few hours later,
before even a hint of the sun rise,
to freeze your buns off at morning exercise
running up and down the hills of Georgia. Yep, these people are crazy.
Some of these people are alumni.
People who flew, drove, and hitchhiked
to spend the week at training camp
sleep deprived.
Serving us by scrubbing toilets,
waking up at 4am to cook our food for the day,
and praying life/truth into us
over and over and over again.
Their clothes never match
...I'm pretty sure they've forgotten how.
They saw greatness in me and pushed me towards it.
They're ALWAYS either-
a. dancing
b. laughing or
c. praying. These people are crazy!
Speaking of prayer-
Its like the real deal for these people. Rarely ...never... did I hear prayer start with
"Dear Heavenly Father".
Usually it started more like
"Hey Daddy" or,
"Its me again Papa" or,
"Abba we love you" or simply,
"Hi!"
...It's almost like they KNOW this guy. These people are crazy.
They stand on chairs
Or in the middle of the woods on chairs
And yell things.
Declarations they like to call them. These people are crazy.
During worship there are people
laughing,
dancing,
praying,
sitting,
and standing.
Some people have their hands in the air,
and others have their faces on the ground. Yikes. These people are crazy.
These people dream about
shutting down every brothel,
ending the AIDS epidemic in Swaziland,
getting clean water for African villages,
seeing Haiti restored,
and finding a loving home for every orphan. They dream about these things
because they're actually living to make them happen.
I'm telling you- these people are crazy.
Everyday normal conversation
consists of things like-
fire tunnels,
feedback,
declarations,
poop problems,
and ridiculously awesome
workings of the Holy Spirit. These people are crazy.
And apparently,
after traveling the world for 11+ months
it becomes difficult, if not impossible,
to speak in full sentences.
Because of this,
everything is shortened by an acronym.
ATL,
OES,
TIA...
I guess I should start practicing! These people are crazy.
These people actually believe everyword of the Bible to be true.
They believe healings are possible. Now. Today.
They believe that God breathes and life happens.
They believe we are no longer slaves to sin.
They believe that the power of Christ is IN us.
They believe and pray the same prayer Jesus did-
"on earth as it is in Heaven".
And you know what...
I've started praying that too.
Because I actually really, really like that idea.
On earth as it is in Heaven?
Absolutely. Bring it on.
There's no doubt in my mind
that those strange Kingdom minded people
who I met this week in the woods of Georgia
are absolutely CRAZY.
But what I decided this week is, I'm ready to be crazy too!
The Kingdom of God is worth my abandonment.
(with another 18 hour bus ride at the end of this week)
I'm still living out of a backpack.
I'm still on the World Race.
...that's a scary thought.
Actually, I've just come home from roadtripping in California with Amy and Tricia.
Basic summary: it.was.awesome.
We did everything. We saw Andrew , Amber, and Sarah B (from the squad), we drove up Rt 1, made new friends, got a tan, saw a beach full of sea lions, got lost in San Francisco, prayed for people, went to a winery, went to Las Vegas, left Las Vegas rather quickly, played disc golf, tried to find the Hollywood sign but failed, and watched the sunrise in the Grand Canyon after battling death by hypothermia the night before. I think an entire book could be written about our adventures in the two short weeks we were there.
But the point of this blog is not to make you jealous with how cool we are because, for me at least, it wasn't all laughs, in fact, it was kind of weird.
I don't really know how to explain what I mean by that. Going into it, I thought I was in a good place with God and in a good place in my thoughts, thinking I really hadn't been all that rattled by reentry, but as the days passed on our trip, the less and less I was acting like myself, or rather, the more and more I was acting like an ass and, praise the Lord, I have friends who aren't shy about telling me.
Here's how it went:
The more I acted like a jerk --> the more I wanted to change it but couldn't seem to --> the more frustrated I got with myself --> the more I acted like a jerk.
Add in a boat load of insecurities that blind-sided me and a personality that's innate response is to shut down and get defensive and you get an angsty teenager sitting in your backseat, which is about as fun as hiking the Grand Canyon in your flip flops to avoid buying $80 sneakers.
I think it comes down to this: since being home, I've been bombarded with so much, seeing people, figuring out where I'm going to live, trying to make future plans, dealing with finances, trying to keep up with the squad, facing the potential of raising support for the rest of my life, all the great telelvision shows I've missed out on this past year, and for a second there, I forgot everything I learned on the Race, who I am, where my identity lies, how to trust people, that God is good and will provide, how to admit when I'm wrong, and really a second is all it takes for all of those lies and insecurities to come flooding back in.
A notorious World Race term is "walk in freedom", which is great and is something everyone needs to do with so many struggles, but as hard as it is to walk in freedom, I think that's the easy part. Once we've walked into freedom, then we have to fight to keep it, and that's the part that really sucks, because for a lot of people, the battle lasts your whole stinkin life, but it's crucial, and all it takes is that one second you let your guard down and you get sucker-punched.
So really this is my "lighting-the-fire-under-my-ass" blog. This is me getting out of my ridiculously comfortable lazyboy where I've been sitting in front of my flatscreen HD plasma TV like a content and unaware exhausted little missionary and getting my tucus in gear and fighting for all of those things I gained on the Race.
On Thursday I'll be heading down to Atlanta, GA for about a month to hang out with Global Frontier Missions. I'm still not really sure why I'm going or what I'm going to do there, so I've decided to make some goals for the month:
1) Get my s--- together. (Sorry if that's crude, but clearly something's off and desperately needs to be realigned)
2) Raise support. ("For what," you ask? Well, that deserves a blog in and of itself, so look forward to that)
3) Find a spanish tutor who will work for baked goods. (Quizas mi futuro esposo?)
Well, I had planned on never blogging again but since everyone else is doing it and more than one person has told me I should keep writing, I have fallen victim to peer pressure. So here you go, my assimilation blog:
Hot showers, a toilet I can sit on, a big bed with a new mattress that I don't have to share with two other people, and discovering pretty clothes I forgot I owned, well, you can imagine how hard it's been to come back to that.
But in all seriousness, it has been a little rough.
I have been having separation anxiety and I'm getting a little restless about this next season of my life. As it has been pointed out to me, I'm the kind of person who wants to know everything all the time, so the fact that I'm just sitting around waiting for phone calls and emails to be returned about where I could potentially end up is kind of killing me. But at least with all my free time I've been learning Spanish in anticipation of my future south of the border coffee shop.
One of the questions I get asked the most is, "What's the hardest thing about coming home?" It's not the rush hour traffic that lasts for 12 hours or the fact that I freeze in air conditioned rooms, it might sound bizarre but I think the hardest thing about coming home is how easy it has been to come home. I think I held this expectation, maybe delusion even, that after spending a year doing ministry abroad, I would come back and be able to stand apart from the stereotypical advertised American lifestyle. For example, in my head, I pictured myself not falling into consumerism (again), not worrying about money and being able to trust that God will provide for me, being able to easily choose to have a quiet time over sleeping in, you know, the kind of stuff I couldn't even do while I was still on the Race. But it has been so easy to fall right back into the same old bad habits I had before the Race. My mind is consumed with gas prices, what's on TV today, and how my eBay auction is doing. And maybe the worst part of it all is that I didn't even notice a switch, I didn't realize that my mind had been consumed by all of the wrong things again until just today while I was lying spread-eagle on my carpetted floor writhing about how I needed to hear from God, in between the thoughts about the Netflix movie that just came in the mail and when my future husband is going to come along.
So anyways, there is my "life at home" blog. It has it's ups and it's downs, and it's going to take some time to figure everything out, but it'll all fall into place one of these days.
(me and my brother at the Jersey shore)
Oh, "What's next?" you ask. Well, long term, I still don't know, but for now, I'm gearing up to roadtrip to California with Tricia and Amy for a couple weeks and then I'm heading down to Atlanta, GA for a month to hang out with Global Frontier Missions. I'm pretty excited.
After a spending a week in Brasov, Romania having fun with my squad, our World Race finally came to an end. We flew into New York City and, since I've never been there before, a few of us decided to spend a couple days checking out the city before heading home. But now I've seen the Statue of Liberty, my NYC hiatus day is over, and I am currently sitting on my Virginia-bound megabus. During this comparatively short 4 hour bus ride, I have nothing else to do burt process this year. So much has happened, so much has changed, and now I'm going home.
I'm going home having seen the world and all of it's injustices.
I'm going home a completely different person, I'm finally walking into the woman God has made me to be.
I am finally fully dependent on God.
I'm going home secure in my identity and sure in the authority that I have in His name.
I know whom I have believed, more intimately than I ever could have thought possible.
I'm going home having learned to love and how to let others love me.
I'm going home accomplished and with a job well done.
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